No Laughing (Transcript)

This is the transcript of No Laughing, this time with the full episode.

Transcript
(We find Toadis and Toad-Head in Spanish class at a typical day at Coolman’s Heights High.)

Mr. Toaderra (speaks Spanish): Bueno. Recuerdan por favor, clase, siempre contestan en Español. ¿Bueno? (walks over to Toad-Head) ¿Señor Toad-Head, dónde está Roma?

Toad-Head (tries to speak Spanish): Uh, burritos?

Mr. Toaderra: No, no, no - (speaks Spanish again) ¿Dónde está Roma? ¿Dónde está Roma?

Toad-Head: Uhh, guacamole!

Mr. Toaderra: No, no— (turns to Toadis) ¿Señor Toadis, dónde está Roma?

Toadis (tries speaking Spanish): Umm, lasagna!

Toad-Head (starts laughing): Lasagna??

Mr. Toaderra (drops his Spanish accent and gets pissed off): Lasagna?! That’s Italian, you moron! Dammit, you idiots have been in this class for almost the whole school year, yet the only Spanish you know is what you learned at Chipotle, and Toadis can’t even get THAT right! Since it’s almost time for the next class, I’m going to give you little bastards just ten seconds to come up with a sentence in Spanish, and if you can’t, you’re both done and you’re both flunking! (pause) Well, I’m waiting!

Toad-Head: Uh... (laughs) Uh— (mocks a Spanish accent) Rendo-pordo-curdoh-nut-a-ben-yubarduhvuh-Rico-Suave. (laughs again)

Mr. Toaderra (the whole class starts to laugh): Next class, now!

Toadis (takes a minute to come up with a sentence): Ah, taco supreme!

Mr. Toaderra (as the class still laughs): GET OUT!! NOW!!

(In another class, we find and hear Toadis and Toad-Head still laughing about earlier when Mr. Stephenson, Toadbert's father, enters the room.)

Mr. Stephenson: Alright class, we have a very special visitor and his name is Alfred Johnson. Say hello to Alfred.

Alfred: Hello there.

Toad-Head: Uh, who’s Alfred? Does he resemble to “Al Fred” or something?

Mr. Stephenson (to Toad-Head): Shut up! (to the whole class) Okay, rollcall. Armstrong?

Owen: Here.

Mr. Stephenson: Emiliano?

Jaques: Present.

Mr. Stephenson: McCarthy?

Stephanie: Yo!

Mr. Stephenson: Condom?

Daniel: Right here, sir.

(Toadis and Toad-Head start laughing uncontrollably upon hearing that name.)

Mr. Stephenson (blames Alfred): Alfred! Stop laughing at that name right now!

Alfred (as Toadis and Toad-Head still laugh): Guess what? It wasn’t me, so be quiet!

Mr. Stephenson (as Toadis and Toad-Head keep laughing): Dammit, what’s wrong with you?! We’ve been in school over seven months now, and every single day, when I call Daniel Condom’s name, you have to laugh! (as Toadis and Toad-Head still laugh) Is it really still that funny to you? No! (as Toadis and Toad-Head keep laughing yet again) Doesn’t it ever get so old? Are you going to laugh for the rest of your life every time someone says the name “Condom”??

Toad-Head (speaks for Alfred): Uh...no.

Mr. Stephenson (to Alfred): That does it! The principal wants to see you!